Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Day Before Earth Day

Today is the first day I'm gettin' into this blog thing, and I'm super excited about it!

Let's begin with the litterbug I encountered yesterday that set me into launch like a loose cannon. First of all, you must know how much I hate, loathe, despise, and detest the act of littering. It doesn't get any more redneck than that, I can promise you. after a long, grueling day dealing with middle schoolers and a headache the size of Texas, I couldn't see beyond guzzling a couple of Sweetwater Blues at the local watering hole. At school we've been creating a rainforest in honor of Earth Day in our atrium. It looks really beautiful.....a totally enchanting paradise created out of butcher paper and some really talented artists........birds, butterflies, exotic animals, the whole shabang. Anyway, after dealing with this project for two days, I'm able to wrap it up, get in my car, and meet my hubby at the bar (and no, I'm NOT an alcoholic!). I'm sitting in traffic, bumper to bumper, of course (welcome to Atlanta, right?) when this woman in a black Audi proceeds to throw her cigarette butt out the window like she owns the street. At first I shake my head in disbelief as I race through my thoughts of how incredibly HARD we've all worked to make the production of the rainforest come alive, and how we recycle at my school, and how littering is just plain UNcool. I sit behind her and I stew. Then my headache overtakes any rational thought and completely turns them inside out, and before I know it I follow her in to the Publix lot where she parks and I assume is planning a grocery trip. Maybe she went for more stoagies? Who knows. Anyway, she gets out of her car and I roll my window down and say, "Hey.........why don't you go back to Pleasant Hill and pick up that nasty cigarette you just polluted our earth with?" She stares at me like I'm from Mars. I say again, "Didn't you get the memo that Earth Day is tomorrow?" She replies, "Fuck you!" I retort, yes very childish I'm aware, "You too, litterbug!" Then I drove off to more traffic delays. And this is exactly why my hubby and mother are terrified to ride in the car with me.
So every housewife exiting Publix with their kid saddled into the front of their cart saw the whole show go down. They were probably on my side because if you have a child then I'm sure you're teaching them NOT to litter, smoke, or cuss; OR not to accost random strangers for the fear of having a Glock pulled on you. I may have accosted from afar, but this beast of a woman committed the other three no-no's.
I know how pathetic this may sound, and you just have to understand the kind of day I was having.......I was in no mood to play; plus I'm really harmless. I even told my hubby when I called home that I had pirhana teeth and the will of a cougar, and I would rip anyone to smithereens who double crossed me. Then when I arrived home I saw the guilty culprit staring me in the face on the countertop. Some may say blame it on the rain, or blame it on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol, but I took one look and I blamed every bit of my mood swingin' craziness on those evil birth control pills. My hubby said, "Hmmmm........look where you are in your packet. No wonder you were nuts-o!! How about we keep them out so I'll see this coming next time?"
Bless his sweet Yankee heart. What would I do without my levelheaded man to put life into perspective for me?
So, I have three final thoughts here: Don't litter, listen to your man.......if you have one, and stay the hell away from women who are on their last row of pills. We're maniacs, but we can't help it.

Goodnight to all!

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